Last night as I was reading through Psalm 118, verse 8 resonated with me:
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in a man."
Being single at 25, people immediately seem to ask you questions about your status. If they are genuinely interested in whether I am content in my singleness, my answer is usually it wavers like a rollercoaster. There never seems to be any kind of explanation for the highs or lows and they both seem to come on pretty quickly. My current state is a bit of a dip so I would like to preface that there are thoughts in this post that I am NOT proud of.
As I parked my car in the parking lot today and began to walk into work, I noticed someone parked in their vehicle in the parking lot as well. I immediately thought in my mind if he ever considered setting me up with other guys in his life or if he ever wondered why I was single. Then I went to the thought that he probably just felt sorry for me. Or the reality that I wasn't even a thought in his mind. Finally the Scripture that I studied last night and this morning popped into my mind to comfort me that it did not matter if anyone even wanted to hook me up with someone's brother's uncle's cousin... because taking refuge in the Lord is SO much better. As I continued walking into the building, I thanked the Lord for his sweet reminder that His love is far greater.
At the end of the day, I packed up all my things and told 2 friends I work with that I was headed out to go to the Phil Wickham Christmas concert that night. One of the girls began to ask me if I was getting all dressed up and if it was going to be a date thing. I immediately laughed it off and made a joke that she should know me better than that. As I was walking to my car, I tried to debate on whether or not I should be flattered that she thought that I was the kind of girl that went on dates all of the time or discouraged that I apparently wasn't that fun of a single girl that she apparently used to be. As my corrupt mind tortured me again in the ridiculous parking lot, the Lord calmed my heart and and brought that verse to my mind once again. How silly I felt to have to need another reminder such a short time later, but I am so thankful for God being so gracious with me. Even through my negative attitude and discontentment right now, He is constantly showering me with His presence and reasons to desire Him rather than a relationship with a guy.
It seemed perfect that I ended the night at the Phil Wickham concert. He was a musician that I was introduced to while I was in college at a retreat that was actually named after one of his songs Divine Romance. It was such a sweet time in my life because it was when I was first getting to know the Lord again and really starting to understand what it meant to have my own real relationship with Him. This song will always remind me of that time and in a way could be deemed 'our song.' It only seems fitting to end this post with the lyrics...
The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied
Lyrics by Phil Wickham
