the divine romance...

Last night as I was reading through Psalm 118, verse 8 resonated with me:

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in a man."

Being single at 25, people immediately seem to ask you questions about your status.  If they are genuinely interested in whether I am content in my singleness, my answer is usually it wavers like a rollercoaster.  There never seems to be any kind of explanation for the highs or lows and they both seem to come on pretty quickly.  My current state is a bit of a dip so I would like to preface that there are thoughts in this post that I am NOT proud of.

As I parked my car in the parking lot today and began to walk into work, I noticed someone parked in their vehicle in the parking lot as well.  I immediately thought in my mind if he ever considered setting me up with other guys in his life or if he ever wondered why I was single.  Then I went to the thought that he probably just felt sorry for me.  Or the reality that I wasn't even a thought in his mind.  Finally the Scripture that I studied last night and this morning popped into my mind to comfort me that it did not matter if anyone even wanted to hook me up with someone's brother's uncle's cousin... because taking refuge in the Lord is SO much better.  As I continued walking into the building, I thanked the Lord for his sweet reminder that His love is far greater.

At the end of the day, I packed up all my things and told 2 friends I work with that I was headed out to go to the Phil Wickham Christmas concert that night.  One of the girls began to ask me if I was getting all dressed up and if it was going to be a date thing.  I immediately laughed it off and made a joke that she should know me better than that.  As I was walking to my car, I tried to debate on whether or not I should be flattered that she thought that I was the kind of girl that went on dates all of the time or discouraged that I apparently wasn't that fun of a single girl that she apparently used to be.  As my corrupt mind tortured me again in the ridiculous parking lot, the Lord calmed my heart and and brought that verse to my mind once again.  How silly I felt to have to need another reminder such a short time later, but I am so thankful for God being so gracious with me.  Even through my negative attitude and discontentment right now, He is constantly showering me with His presence and reasons to desire Him rather than a relationship with a guy.  

It seemed perfect that I ended the night at the Phil Wickham concert.  He was a musician that I was introduced to while I was in college at a retreat that was actually named after one of his songs Divine Romance.  It was such a sweet time in my life because it was when I was first getting to know the Lord again and really starting to understand what it meant to have my own real relationship with Him.  This song will always remind me of that time and in a way could be deemed 'our song.'  It only seems fitting to end this post with the lyrics...

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied       

Lyrics by Phil Wickham 

lazy sundays lead to...

THIS.

reflections...

Since we have just celebrated Thanksgiving, it is of course very common to reflect on what you are most thankful for.  Over this past week, I've really taken the opportunity to think over my life and this past year to count my many blessings. 

Nothing about my life right now meets the world's standards.  I am a 25 year old girl that is single and has a part-time job in ministry surrounded by families.  According to the world, I should either be career-driven or family-driven.  My statistics show I'm neither. 

I've got to say that this has probably been one of the weirdest years of my life.  I've been stretched and changed... hopefully for the better.  I've been forced out of my element and challenged to think outside of the box pertaining my expectations of my life.  I feel like I've come so far in these twelve months, but I know that I have so much further to go.  The Lord certainly has been gracious and merciful to me throughout the entire process... especially through my doubts and questionings.  Following hard after Him this year has been at times just that... hard.  But time after time He would remind me of His amazing love by granting me my own personal moments with Him to let me know that this path is all worth it.         

I still don't know where I'm going.  And honestly I feel like I know less of that than I knew before.  But I think the Lord is breaking me of the world's standards of myself so I can find myself in Him rather than the world.  And honestly, finding myself in God's plan rather than fitting God into my plan has been so much sweeter.


Thank you Lord for your patience with me.  I know that I am selfish in my plans and my flesh is weak, but you are strong and sovereign.  Thank you for loving me and showing me your wisdom and guidance in my life.  I want YOUR name to be written all over my life, Lord. 

counting thru the craziness..

1. My sister came to visit for an entire weekend with the only agenda of hanging out with me.  Victory.  There is no documentation of this in photos.  Fail.

2. Peanut M&M's are like crack to me.  Once I start, I can't stop.  Maybe they're more like Pringles.

3. Thanksgiving is next week.  WHOA.  Wasn't I just laying out at the pool for the summer?  Hello winter white skin.

4. I completed one of the first Tuesday series that I was in charge of without the whole thing being a complete disaster.  Sigh of relief.

5. My mom will always be a fantastic sounding board and give the best advice around.  Hands down.

6. The amount of times and volume that my own and the roomie's alarm clocks go off in the morning probably wakes up the entire apartment complex.  As we peacefully sleep.  Thank you Jesus that our fire alarm hasn't gone off. 

7. I have never ever been oh so excited about decorating my apartment for Christmas.  Get out of here Thanksgiving... I'm ready to go to that Christmas tree farm that I've only ever heard of and put beautiful ornaments on my 2nd ever real Christmas tree.  THRILLED.

8. It confuses me how much I absolutely love Taylor Swift's music, but don't particularly care for her as a person.  Interviews with her make me cringe and I think she tends to be more on the immature side.  But at the end of the day, I love to rock out to every single song on every single one of her CD's... immature lyrics included.  Inner conflict, I tell you.

9. I just began Beth Moore's Believing God with a group of girls.  Never been more excited to meet with a group of girls to talk about Jesus.  I've missed me some good girl time.

10. This is a sad attempt at a blog in order to catch up.  I apologize.

the fog...

Wow... where the heck have I been?  I'll tell yah... walking around in a fog. 

It began when my sweet dentist decided that there was a major need to extract my two left wisdom teeth from my mouth instead of what I went into the office for originally.  Awesome.  I'm pretty easy-going and tend to have this complex where I am very agreeable to doctors.  I consider them all-knowing and don't tend to ask any questions whatsoever.  This complex is so bad that I had to convince the roommate that not even the dentist knew that the wisdom teeth would be pulled out that day before I came in.  (So I've been known to show up to doctors for a procedure that I wasn't super aware of... big deal.)  Obviously this little event cancelled out my weekend plans of a fun trip to Canton.  I was of course bummed but too doped up for the let down to sink in.  Then Saturday night, I began to sneeze and never stopped until some point on Monday.  Enter cold medicine and a really long day on Sunday due to working at a church on Sunday mornings plus our Trunk or Treat for Halloween.  Thankfully I work with an amazing team of girls that forced me to go home for a nap before the actual event started.  It probably had a lot to do with the fact that I looked and acted like a zombie. 

Now that I'm actually coming out of the fog a bit, I feel like I should process the last week of my life here..

1. Having wisdom teeth pulled immediately instills a huge fear in me of dry sockets.  It's looking like I'm in the clear, but it does still haunt me a tad bit.  I accidentally drank through a straw the other day and almost had a stroke when I realized.  I'll be glad when the ten day mark is over. 
2. Apparently I'm more blunt while medicated.  I've been told by three different people to keep the meds going.  I don't know whether I should find this humorous or insulting.
3. A lot of baking occurred on Saturday.  While my roommate and I had both been instructed by different doctors to "take it easy" (the roommate had herself a serious sinus infection)... we decided to 'BOO!' everyone we know.  Haven't heard of this?  Apparently you don't live in my sister's neighborhood because they are the only ones that have.  You leave a fun Halloween treat with a note on someone's door, ring the doorbell, and run away.  Some candy is totally acceptable, but we decided it wasn't acceptable for us.  We pulled out all the stops... Halloween funfetti cupcakes with candy corn pumpkins on top, Halloween funfetti cookies decorated with cute Halloween sayings and jack'o'lantern faces with candy corn, rice krispies with fall m&m's in some and candy corn in others, and brownies.  Ridiculous.  Still have no idea why I got sick...
4. A lot of The Office happened.  So obviously that meant a lot of laughter.
5. I cooked my mom's enchiladas.  HUGE DEAL.  This is one of my all-time favorite meals that my mom has always made that I knew required a LOT of time and prep-work.  Well the roommate decided that we needed to make them because she's had them and loved them (DUH!).  I was intimidated.  I was scared.  I made it happen.  At 25, I feel like an adult thanks to being able ot re-create this meal of my mother's.  

Now that it's officially been 7 days since the wisdom teeth event, I am super looking forward to a weekend that has absolutely nothing on the calendar.  Hmm... saying that makes me wonder if I should have suggested the dentist to wait until this Thursday.  Nah... that would have taken all the fun out of it..  

fried food and a ridiculously tall man...

So if you are from Texas or visiting Texas, something you need to put on your must-do list for next fall is to visit The State Fair of Texas.  It's pretty much the most Texan thing you can do.  My parents failed me in this area and I had never even heard of the state fair until I moved to the metroplex three years ago and went for the very first time.  However, I was obviously new to the fair along with the other rookies with me, so we did not get a full-out fair experience.

What is a full-out State Fair of Texas experience?  Well let me just tell you since I went this past weekend and had one of my own.  It includes...

1. Not only just seeing Big Tex, but taking a picture with him.  For those of you that don't know about Big Tex, he's just about the tallest cowboy you've ever seen in your life... and he's there to greet you at the fair.  Sure he's a bit creepy and his legs get shockingly skinny as they reach his boots, but he's Big Tex and a staple of the state fair.

2. Riding the HUGEST ferris wheel in all the land.  Yes, I used the word HUGEST for a reason.  It is that enormous.  To the point where you feel like you can see your hometown from the top... which is five hours away from Dallas.  Plus, it's always a bonus when the fair decides to shoot off fireworks while you're at the top.


3. Watching the pig races.  Oh yeah.. you definitely read that right.  There is an arena where we all gather together to cheer on the marked pig of our section to run the fastest to an Oreo.  To which lots of cheering ensues.  Don't mind me while I hold pride in the fact that my pig won all of the races.  Boo yah.

4. Someone in your group riding a crazy carnival ride to test their gag reflex.  And of course losing one of their possessions in the process.  Luckily it wasn't an iPhone like another poor soul on the same ride.  Never a good feeling when you see that crashing down to the concrete.  She'll probably never ride FireBall again.

5. And the last but most important thing about the state fair... FRIED FOOD.  And lots of it.  I'm not talking your regular fried food either.  They fry absolutely everything there... including butter.  You can't question their methods, you just have to try them.  Our group's choices?  Fried Snickers, fried caramel apple, fried grilled cheese, fried frito pie, fried margarita, fried corny dog, fried ribs... along with the usual fair treats like cotton candy, funnel cake, hot dogs, Texas burgers, and LOTS of lemonade.  The ridiculous thing is that we probably didn't eat even half of the choices they offer.  (I won't post a picture here, because there are some things that just don't need to be photographed.)

So go ahead and get excited for next year's State Fair of Texas... you only have to wait 346 more days until a fun-filled fair experience.  Yup... it's a big enough deal that they keep a countdown on their website.  Duh it's a BIG deal... it's Texas.

the car is parked...

So obviously the theme of my life this past month is getting in my car and driving south every single weekend.  Well the weekend is upon us and it's the first time in five weeks that I will not be doing that exact thing.  This makes me relieved and excited for many different reasons that I will list out here (mainly because I'm too exhausted to not do a listing post).

1. I had a dream (that I will deem a nightmare) the other night that for some reason that randomly popped up, I had to go to Houston again this weekend.  When it starts to jack with your sleeping, you know it's not good.
2. I'm pretty sure my car would not be able to handle it.  Ever since THE accident, I have driven precious little Solara that was so graciously donated to me from the sister and bro-in-law.  A little history on Solara?  She was my mom's car before she was my sister's (which was back in the high school days)... so needless to say, homechick has been in the family for a while.  She deserves a break.. I'm going to need her to not explode spontaneously from overuse.
3. My laundry.  It's gotten a little out of control to the point that last weekend I actually packed dirty clothes just to do a load of laundry once I reached Houston.  That may be TMI, but just being real with you.  It is time to do some catch-up.
4. I miss what Fort Worth looks like on a Friday and Saturday.  Ok so that's a little dramatic, but there is some fun stuff going on in the metroplex and I need to not miss it.  I like to be hip with the hop and missing out on things bums me out.  Luckily the state fair goes on for an eternity, so that will not be missed as of this Saturday.  Thank you, Big Tex for sticking around for me.
5. My cute polka dot matching bags are kind of on their last leg.  I feel like they're breathing a sigh of relief at the ability to stay up in their cozy little spot at the top of the closet this weekend.  I shall let them rest in hopes they'll come out looking brand-new in time for Thanksgiving.
6. I love my bed.  So if you have ever stayed at my sister's, then you know you are not going without comfort by sleeping in her guest room.  But there's just something about your own bed and your own bathroom and your own everything.  That you just love.
7. Doing absolutely nothing.  Having no plans.  Laying around on my sectional.  Glorious.
8. Gas is not free.  I'm not sure if anyone else realizes this, but when you have to purchase that much gasoline in that short amount of time... the realization certainly sets in on a deeper level.
9. I have done my duty.  Four weekends in a row should prove to anyone that would love to give me an excuse for why they cannot visit me in Fort Worth for one single weekend that an excuse is just that... an excuse.  If I can do it for four weekends, they can do it for one.  So I am challenging all of them.  YOUR TURN.
10. I'm tired of driving.  Especially by myself.  After the second time, it gets pretty boring.

So with all of that said, I am going to enjoy my weekend in FW to the fullest.  Whether that is laying on my sectional to hanging out with friends to living it up at the state fair... as long as it is here, I don't care.